her name was tabitha, is

Death: Cessation, termination, the end of life. No longer being in existence. Dead.

Morbid & sadly numb. That's how I feel.

My Tabitha was taken from me, killed, my Tobey. My cat.

I love her. And I miss her, yet I can't bring myself to cry the tears that are lurking behind my eyes, they seem trapped in the maelstrom that is slowly swelling up within me. My heart feels wrenched out of place. Torn asunder. I feel hollow. Devoid of normality. Empty.

The song "stuck in a moment" by U2 sums how my mind feels, replaying over and over again my mum sobbing over the phone telling me that she had been run over.

I went cold, shut down, stopped breathing and froze still but the world around me kept on spinning, adjusting itself, complacent that there was one less life on the planet and making way for all the others that are about to be born.

I think somewhere in that I stopped spinning with the world.

Even as I sit here typing, I feel nothing inside me. A hollow husk. I just wish the tears would come. I want to get this over with. But I can't. I'm much like the ancient mariner stuck like a painted ship upon a painted ocean. I miss her. I miss her. I love her. My cat. My Tobey.

Silent, Solemn, Sorrowful, Chaos.

END