if i had words

you and i are an enigma,
trapped within time,
you and i are fragments,
of the same mind,

if i had words to speak,
what would i say to you?,
if i had words to sing,
what melody would i use?,

if all the world were mine,
what could i give you?,
if all things were known to me,
what would i know about you?,

i have only these simple words,
and this simple rhyme,
i have only these hands,
to take yours in mine,

hide your face against my chest,
your hair from your face i slowly brush,
and feel the warmth of your breath,
while our heartbeats flutter as emotions rush,

i will speak to you these little words,
i will say to you this simple rhyme,
i am yours,
and you are mine,

the cyclic post

It has been sometimes since I've actually written out a proper post. I've been seeding this place with my silly poetry but none of my more literal thoughts. Either way I don't think anyone reads this crap and so I guess it doesn't really make much difference what I post.

With that bit of self-deprecation out of the way I'll move on to more substantial things. Turmoil has once again flooded my mind as it seems to do when the semester draws close to an end. Once again I feel like I'm bleeding out from a wound I cannot close, a wound that I've inflicted on myself. I'm clever like that and mildly masochistic. The curious who read this blog might wonder what that wound is, if you're looking for details you're out of luck because even I'm having a hard time figuring out what it is. All I know is this, I'm bleeding out and slowly drowning in a pool of my own bloody effluence with no life line in sight. A dramatic description I know but then again what would this blog be without its drama.

I feel stretched thin like the skin over a drum. Flayed and abuse, I've grown to see myself as a husk that houses an empty void inside. My mother would argue that is because I've abandon my faith and my God and have chosen to pursue nothingness. That might very well be the case, still I can't find it in me to want to have anything to do with God or church or faith. It would seem I lost that life and now my mind is too distorted to believe in it. I'm looking for something to spark in me a new fire but I guess I'm looking in the wrong place. All I really do is sigh about things without pro-actively changing anything.

Furthermore my head is in a bind, the details of which I won't disclose as I feel talking about them won't do me any good. Not in this space at least. This will have to suffice, I'm scared. So very scared of the choice I must make and what that may lead to. I can't make a mistake this time as it would cause more things to go wrong than already have. Generating more suffering into an already abundantly filled swirling vortex of entropy, one that looms before me. My mind is clouded and diffused. I don't know what I want. On the one hand I have an idea or a notion that I'm chasing and a fact that I'm trying to deny. My mind is terribly torn by what I know to be the truth and the lie I wish I could delude myself into believing. Time might resolve this conflict, it may not. The little part of me that enjoys a slice of irony hopes while the rest of me continues to struggle with my inner and stupid conflicts.

My hope is evanescent, a time numbered by my choices thus far. My future seems bleak as I cannot peer beyond the grey mist that has shroud my path. I cannot look beyond it and no light can seem to break through. Some days I feel like I'm drowning in the misery I have created and apportioned myself. There seems to be no high ground. Some days I'm utterly and totally depressed by how much I've allowed myself to fail. Which I suppose brings me to the crux of the matter, as I've written before of this recurring theme, I am my own worst enemy.

Some might tell me to stop wallowing in my own filth and pick myself up, dust myself off and get on with life. I would tell them they are right. Though being agreeable to that course of action does not then mean anything will be different lest that action be carried out. It would seem simple enough to do however I've yet to do it. My mother would say that I derive some satisfaction from being in the miserable state that I am in. I suppose she is not wrong, everyone wants to fix the troubled people and I guess I must on some level enjoy the attention. That is a sad realisation, a terribly sad realisation. I think something must be broken up inside my head for me to want to prolong the internal suffering I endure everyday by further creating situations in which I can suffer.

It would seem that I drive a wedge between myself and joy or happiness. Always looking to pursue things that cannot be while constantly neglecting that which can. I speak of course about my family, my friends and my studies. I even fear falling asleep because I'm trying to hold onto today and not have to face tomorrow. I want to live in yesterday but keep finding tomorrow creeping up on today. I try to blot out these thoughts with non-beneficial things like watching tv or reading but when I'm alone I can't escape my thoughts and it is my thoughts that do me in. I think if I could, I would think myself to death.

Now one might read this and think that everything is wrong with my life. Fact is this, it is not. My life is fine, it's not even that big of a mess. I have a myriad of simple solutions that would fix a great deal. This post is just my way of laying out what is bugging me and planning a course of action from there. I let you read my thoughts only so you can understand me further, not to burden you with the gravity of them. If you see yourself in my thoughts then I hope you make changes to better your situation so that you don't find yourself awake at 4.30 in the morning because of your insomnia randomly posting your banal thoughts on a public access journal.

Some days I feel so alone and that nobody could possibly understand me. Most days I'm wrong about that. In fact I think I'm wrong about a great many things. Don't tell anyone, I'd like them to believe that I know everything. It helps keep the illusion that I'm a fully functioning individual, not some factory reject with his thinking switch set to "stupid on LSD". You probably found that last bit amusing. See what I mean about knowing everything. It's true. Chuckle all you want.

And so while the general tone of this post has been far from light, I'm glad I put my thoughts down somewhere. You who read them may think less of me, I hope you don't because that was not the intent. No the real intention was this, that you could understand me a little more than you did about 10mins ago before you started reading this. In a way I've ensured that you'll think about me a little more and hopefully care an extra bit.

Now I must say goodbye but not for the last time, at least I hope not. It's curious how one never truly knows if it is a generic goodbye or the very last goodbye that has been uttered and we never stop to ponder the impact of what we've said or what we've heard, oh well such is life. As I see it, life is complex in its simplicity and quite ironic in its design. Goodbye.

without a sunrise

bleak is a morning without a sunrise,
with rain hammering down on softened ground,
to look out and find grey clouds and the world drowned,
in the sorrow of one man's tears,
as his mind contemplates the sum of all his fears,

the sun hides behind a shroud of rain clouds,
with the waters swallowing whole the accursed ground,
there is no warmth only a chill that lingers in his bones,
perhaps he is only losing his mind for crimes not atoned,
dead inside he knows he has lost his soul,

the darkened sky holds him in place,
broken and contrite in this the hour of his twilight,
he is on his back on the ground with the waters that surround,
unable to move his lungs are beginning to drown,
as his entire life like the rain comes falling down,

he is now cold and grey a lifeless piece of clay,
in a box on display for the people at his wake,
they shed tears for him who died beneath the weight of fear,
hidden behind sullen faces silently they cheer,
for him who is no longer here.

we are mankind

we are moments strung together on a string,
a string that holds us close and keeps on twisting,
twisting on into a sunrise of dreams,
dreams that this morning will bring,

we are you and i in art,
art abstract in its brilliant design,
design that no human mind can define,
define from its immaculate part,

we are moments strung together like beads,
beads of self contained dreams,
dreams we hold in our eyes,
eyes that see what the world can be,

we are you and i in sounds,
sounds of hearts beating as one,
one voice for all that hear,
hear us as our world turns inside out

we are moments you and i,
we are all mankind.

nothing more than stone

I once saw in the sky a light burning brighter than a candle at night, I had no idea what it could be only that it made see all the beauty around me. I ignored the beauty and tried to reach out to take the light from the sky. I wanted it for myself more than anything else, I craved for it everyday till I was nothing more than a soulless piece of clay. I sat and I schemed but nothing would come to me. So I just kept on looking to the sky as all around me people passed me by till I was nothing more than stone, sitting there all alone.

the needle and the escape

I’m sad and I’m all alone, I’m holed up in my little room,
I hear the voices on the streets,
But none of them are speaking to me,
That’s my life and no one ever notices me,

I walk down the street and eat at the places you eat,
Like everyone else I catch the bus, you’ll never hear me make a fuss,
Maybe that is why no one ever notices me,
Maybe that is why you’ll never notice me,

I come and go as I like with my head down, I never see the sky,
People never seem to see me pass them by,
But I don’t really care,
That no one ever stops to ask me about the frown I wear,

Because I have a place to hide,
A place where I don’t cry,
Alone in my little room I grab the needle that spells my doom,
And shoot up to find my dreams in colourful hues,

This little point, addictive and destructive,
That pierces my skin and takes me to a place deep within,
Where I can fly to places unknown,
And dream of things the world hasn’t sown,

With every hit I take a little part of me dies,
And you would think that would make me cry,
But I can’t tear when my mind is so unclear,
When reality and fiction I can no longer differ and life is nothing more than a whisper,

With time I slowly unravel, as the effect of the narcotics through my veins travels,
Soon they will put me in a box and cover me with gravel,
Every hit makes the sound of death roar louder,
Soon enough it will envelop me like a forest fire,

I wake up from the delirium, the euphoria of the hit still holding,
The reality of the danger forgotten,
My last shot I tell myself with a sorrowful sigh,
And go out to face another day beneath the sky,

Maybe when I overdose someone will find me,
Maybe when I’m gone someone will cry for me,
Maybe when I’m gone someone will notice,
I doubt but a small part of me hopes it.

I take the needle and the escape,
To ignore life and my mistakes,
To find a way to face another day,
I take the needle and the escape.

I wrote this for the MUISS Mad Monkey a couple of weeks ago

the vermin and the paladin

truth kept hidden by a lie,
the vermin and paladin juxtaposed,
we are all of us but broken bones,
healing within the fire of a tumultuous throne,

we are noble in our pain,
yet despicable in our fame,
this life our blight cannot contain,
though death is last thing we profane,

we live only to one day die,
though few believe that we can die to one day live,
life has struck us and pierced us like a shiv,
our bodies day by day escaping this mortal pit,

you are all of you vermin, i included,
this you may think the ravings of a mad man deluded,
none of you paladins, i and Charlemagne have concluded,
our strength is all but lost we are a species wounded,

the temptress and the thief

she tempts you with the apple divine,
an offering outstretched in her open palm,
she tells of a place sublime,
found in a taste of the apple's warmth,

she holds aloft time and space,
as her sway falls over your mind's array,
you quickly to her side pace,
to embrace this golden fruit's taste,

she tempts you with life and the chase,
an offering she smiled on her open face,
she tells you of her warm embrace,
as you take one more step towards the grave,

she tempts you with a smile,
with hidden motives all the while,
to steal from you, your inner child,
to take your innocence with her guile,

the temptress and the thief,
she is vanity and beauty, their villainous child,
for your heart she comes dagger sheathed,
this beautiful temptress and thief.

gender studies

I was extremely bored today and while surfing the web I came across this list of gender studies. Read on, hate if you want but the facts of the studies are as below.


Harvard University studies show that, when domestic differences arise, it's usually the spouse who does the most talking who gets his/her way.

A two-year study conducted at Stanford University demonstrated that, other factors being equal, men are as much as 50 percent more proficient than women in solving complicated problems.

Studies conducted by University of Southern California psychologists show that women are more subject to feeling depressed and ''down in the dumps'' than men.

Authorities find that the average woman requires appreciably more sleep than the average men.

Psychological studies show conclusively that, while emergencies tend to upset a woman more, in a real crisis she is likely to remain calmer than the average male.

Leading university studies show that women are far more finicky about what they eat than men.

Psychologists have found that women are more self-centered. They have fewer outside interest than men, are more preoccupied with personal concerns and problems.

The American Institute of Family Relations, after careful evaluation of surveys, found- ''Contrary to tradition it is not the wife's mother but the husband's mother who is the most frequent troublemaker.''

University of Minnesota investigators found that women discussed men far more often than men discussed women. Women talked about men more often than about any other subject- except other women. Men's conversations were more frequently devoted to business, money, other men- and then women.

Veterans Administration psychologist Richard C. Cowden made an intensive study of married couples, subjected each husband and wife to test designed to reveal their knowledge and understanding of the other's personality. Husbands had far better insight into their wives' character and were able to predict much more accurately how they would react under specific conditions.

We can hear the women's protests- ''Hah! You should see my husband when he has a cold!'' Nevertheless, in a study of over 5000 men and women, sponsored by the Veteran Administration and Cornell University Medical College, it was found that women had a far greater tendency to exaggerate virtually all types of complaints and ailments.

Psychological tests at De Paul University showed that though women were no less evasive than men, where outright lies were concerned, men led the field.

Studies show that women tend to be attracted to men they can look up to intellectually. Men, on the other hand, tend to shy away from women who have more brains than they do. This doesn't mean that men are superior in general intelligence, but that men tend to ''marry down'' and women tend to ''marry up.''

Studies conducted by sociologists at the University of Southern California show that men have much more difficulty in adjusting happily to a second marriage than women. Divorced men tend to become more ''set in their ways,'' less willing to compromise, and to expect their next marriage partners to do most of the adjusting.

Professor Leona F. Tyler, psychologist at the University of Oregon, evaluating the findings of leading scientific investigators, found the female begins to out-talk the male shortly after infancy. She talks more readily, longer and faster. But it is in verbal fluency, rather than in the grasp of verbal meanings, that females are superior.

Studies show that men are more restless by temperament than women and much more easily bored by repetitive action. They lack women's capacity to adjust to monotonous conditions. Possibly one reason women are less bored by monotony is that they are more given to introspection and daydreaming.

Numerous psychological studies on reaction time show that when a man's senses warn him of approaching danger, he reacts much faster than the average woman.

Studies show that women not only have a greater capacity for happiness than men, but also for unhappiness according to psychologist Lewis M. Terman at Stanford University, ''Women experience the extremes of marital happiness and unhappiness more keenly than their husbands.''

Choo Jian Yi - Rest in Peace

Life is taken from us in an instant, treasure today but today we are robbed of one more good soul. My condolences to Choo Jian Yi's friends and family. May his soul find rest in the great beyond. May he live on in the memories of the people whose lives he touched with his unique character. My greatest hope is that we will all find something good amidst the tragedy before us. I hope my words are a comfort.

I wish I had known him better than I did, we always tell ourselves we have tomorrow but sometimes tomorrow never comes. He was a good friend to many and he will be sorely missed. And finally to all those who are mourning this loss, look around you and remember the people still here. For they, they need the greatest amount of comfort now.

Yours sincerely,

Tristan Devadason

feeling sad & i don't know why

feeling sad and i don't know why,
forgive me if i just sit here and sigh,
i can't really smile,
i don't really try,

i'm feeling blue,
it's not because of you,
not because of any of you,
i'm just feeling blue,

a part of me wants to cry,
i hold it back in with a lie,
i tell myself everything is alright,
but i can't believe myself tonight,

bless her she tried to cheer,
the me that is on the verge of tears,
bless her soul she just might,
have eased a little this mind inside,

i'm feeling blue,
it's not because of you,
not because of any of you,
i'm just feeling blue,

feeling sad and i don't know why,
forgive me if i just sit here and sigh,
though maybe with a slight smile,
thanks to kind words from this blessed child,

tapping the bong one too many times leads to strange fatherly advice

Bagus walked up to me and he said “Dude... Dude I want you to write a short story for MUISS’s upcoming publication” and I said “Sure, what do you want me to talk about?” Thinking that he wanted me to discuss some serious issue in university, like why they don’t sell bananas (the fruit) in the cafeteria besides those awesome new crepe/paratha thingamajigs. Alas that was not what he had in mind, first he went through a list of things that had been covered by the MONGA and then he said “I want you to write something trippy, something weird.”

I mulled over this as he walked away and an idea popped in my head. What if your dad smoked up and decided to give you that birds and the bees talk gangster like? I think it would go something like this,

Yo, what up son? It’s time fo’ me to lay down some knowledge on you boy. Here is the 411. Check it.

*Your dad cranks up the stereo and something that sounds like a little jon song starts playing and then he starts rapping.*

Yo son, ya gettin to that age, when things in your body start to feel strange,
Son, ya voice is gettin deeper and ya dong is gettin longer,
Hair is startin to grow all over, even in places you didn’t think it should ever,
Don’t be afraid it’s just part of the game, even I went through this phase at your age,

When ya see a woman, ya start to feel a stirrin,
Something deep inside you starts a movin and that dude in your pants starts a wiggling,
And ya start to feel a deep yearnin for something ya never thought about or even imagined,
Don’t be afraid it’s just part of the game, even I went through this phase at your age,

What you gotta do is keep it under wraps and keep those feelings in your pants,
And I don’t mean feel around your pants except maybe when you dance,
And by dance I don’t mean with your feet but with something that looks like a stick,
Don’t be afraid it’s just part of the game, even I went through this phase at your age,

What ya’re feeling is all natural, in fact that’s kinda how ya came about,
Cause ya see when a man loves a woman things kinda get nasty and children happen,
And if ya don’t want children, then son when ya decker protect your pecker,
Don’t be afraid it’s just part of the game, even I went through this phase at your age,

Word up!

As mortified as you may feel at the time, you’ll look back at it and realise that you would still be as scarred regardless of whether or not he had been tripping.

Obviously this couldn't go into any Monash publication but still it's the first thing that popped into my head.

what is in a smile?

Have you ever asked yourself, what is in a smile? What makes a smile?

I think a smile is,

Two parts sunshine because it brightens up the room and one's face.

One part defiance because for all the things you can find to frown about you choose to smile instead.

With a hint of intrigue because everyone hides something behind their smile.

What do you think is in a smile?

sweet dreams

dream, sweet dreams,
for what refuge have we but our dreams,
vivid and coloured beyond this contemptible world and its mortal rules
truly dream, sweet dreams,
for what refuge have we but our dreams,
if we are to face another sunrise,
dream, delectable dreams,
of nectar and love,
of freedom and peace,
for what refuge have we but our dreams,
dream, sweet dreams,
take refuge in your dreams,
this world is the illusion that one day will be past,
as is now present,
but dreams are future,
for what refuge have we, but our dreams?

independence day: you can shove it

Malaysian independence to me is one big farce. I constantly ask people, independence from what? What are we free of exactly? What oppression did we find relief from when Malaysia was declared an independent, sovereign nation?

The honest truth is we traded one oppressor for another. That is of course if you want to label the Brits as oppressors. Personally, I don't think they were all bad. Racism aside, the Brits brought us into the 20th century. A feat I suspect this backwater nation could not have achieved on its own, not at least at the rate it has done. Which to a certain extent in spite of the technologies, policies and ideologies the Brits brought with them, this nation remains a third world nation with prevailing 5th world mentalities.

Some might argue that the Brits came to pillage and plunder, rape the country of all its resources and then leave like locust. I say that argument is specious. If the Brits were hell bent on keeping all the wealth of this nation, Malaysia would be more like Indonesia, where the Dutch truly did drain the nation of most of its resources in order to line coffers of the Dutch treasury. I think our foreign conqueror was a much kinder taskmaster than that of many other nations.

We speak of independence day like we did something to fight for it. We didn't. What the history books neglect to tell you is this, the general British public opinion after World War II was to do away with the colonies. England had to recover from the beating it took and no longer had the resources to maintain a presence in their colonies. This was especially true after they lost India, who by the way really did fight and suffer for their independence. India was their pride and joy, the jewel of the empire and without it they weren't interested in the rest of us. How did we win our independence? On a silver platter. We sent a delegation to meet the Queen and Prime Minister of England and after talks, the terms of our independence was agreed upon. Which by the way, thanks to the manipulation of the constitution has been grossly breached.

And then there was unrest here in the form of the communist movement. Sir Gerald Templer, in charge of putting to route the communist insurgency told England that if they expedited the process of independence, the insurgents would have no reason to fight. So instead of independence in 1963, we received it in 1957. By the way, the Brits didn't leave immediately, they left armed forces here to protect us and many of the positions in the civil service were still held by British officers until Malaysians had been trained to replace them. They could have packed up and left straight away, which would have been disastrous for a fledgling nation like ours. Especially in light of the threat that the Philippines and Indonesia posed at the time when they had lofty ideas of creating Maphilindo.

Our condemnation of the British has made us a bitter people and has also turned us into ingrates. It is truly disgraceful, the manner in which we regard the British. We forget about the countless lives, of young British men and women who shed their blood on our soil to protect us from the Japanese invasion, soldiers as young as 17, if you look at the gravestones in Batu Gajah and Taiping. Our lack of gratitude makes a mockery of the lives these men lost and the families that were broken apart by those casualties. By the way the Japanese were the most brutal occupational foreign force to have ever set foot on our soil. They were cruel, heartless and downright despicable. This is especially true for the Chinese people, who were slaughtered because of some ancient grudge that the Japanese had against them. Under Japanese rule, if you were outside your home after curfew, it didn't matter what the colour of your skin was or how old you were, if you weren't Japanese you were shot, if you were lucky or beheaded if you weren't.

Today the Brits are painted as the worse thing that could have happened to us. When any sane person, with the ability to logically deduce things will realise that the scum that runs this nation today are truly the worse thing that could have happened to us. At least during the British occupation we were all discriminated against equally but if you preformed well you could go far. Well as far as the bounds of racism would allow you and in British racism, that was pretty far. But today the apartheid like nature of this country robs everyone of true freedom and independence.

What bogs me down is this, the stupidity that is the underlying driving force behind the sentiment of "Malaysian Independence". It makes me sick to my stomach. So many people wish each other happy merdeka, happy independence day, so on and so forth. What they're doing is telling people how ignorant they are of the situation this nation is in and how far we truly are from an Independent Malaysia, where all men are equal.

As cliché as this may seem, I quote Martin Luther King Jr.

"Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability, but comes through continuous struggle. And so we must straighten our backs and work for our freedom. A man can't ride you unless your back is bent."

the phoenix

The Phoenix rises on the wings of the dawn,
She flies to take her place in the sky,
And baths the sleeping world in the warmth of her light,
Caressing you and I with the soft glow of her falling touch,

Dew drops catch the light in rainbows of beauty,
Stretching across distances infinite and unknown,
Freshly laid on the grass that greens our planet,
The Phoenix rises while the world sleeps on,

Rest assured so long as she hovers in the air,
That today is a brand new day,
Yesterday is but a distant memory,
And tomorrow is a thought to far away,

The Phoenix at dawn,
Sings her song,
Breathes life into the day,
While we will wake to waste it away,

The Phoenix rises on the wings of the dawn,
She flies to take her place in the sky,
And bath the sleeping world in the warmth of her light,
Caressing you and I with the soft glow of her sight,

the post with such diverse elements as to be non-sequitur

What should I talk about tonight? Honest answer, I don't really know.

A recap of something I read.

Fresh in my mind is a post by a friend of mine, Amanda about being single and the elevated monetary costs incurred by such a state as well as society's perception of it being normal to be in a relationship and to want children rather than to choose the life of a single person or person who does not want children. An interesting read, it was most definitely passionate which boggles my mind, she's tiny I wonder where she puts all that conviction. It must be the fiery red hair she sports, she seems to have taken on the nature of the colour red. Someone might equate that to her turning into a skittle but I wouldn't.

She also touched on finding "the one" a subject I've had a few run ins with. And I agree with her, there is no "one". Life is not a Jet Li movie or the Matrix, you're not going to meet someone and suddenly obtain super relationship type powers. What exists is a person who brings you joy, who despite your flaws loves you and you love them in spite of theirs. Something you make work because you want to. The one is a matter of choice not fate or destiny. A relationship like so many things is about what you want to bring to the table and the effort you're willing to put into it to make it a success. It's a case of making the most of what you have to work with. Which does not correlate to settling. Finding perfection is a flawed idea, I've said it before and I'll say it again, it's about finding the perfect imperfections. Someone whose imperfections work for you. I couldn't see myself dating someone who was perfect, I love quirks. Perfect people don't surprise you and that's never fun. It's like how you can ruin Christmas for yourself if you peek at the presents days before you're supposed to open them.

She also touched on abortion, a subject that has never sat well with me. I can't reconcile the termination of life with the clinical manner in which it can be decided. I've always been of two minds when it comes to subjects like this. One part of me realises that cases exists where the child that was conceived, was conceived through nefarious methods, in a nutshell rape.

There are also the cases of teenage pregnancies which can ruin a person's life if the child is carried to term. You never want to give birth to a child and resent its existence. However then you have to ask yourself if people don't have to deal with their mistakes will they ever learn? Juxtaposed is the other question, what quality of life can a teenager give to this child? Difficult questions without easy answers. In fact the subject is so subjective it's ludicrous to try and comprehend all the variables the situation brings with it. Such is the dichotomy of teenage pregnancies. However that is in itself a completely different subject. Foetal rights is such a farce. How can we quantify humanity by the number of weeks since insemination? What about the soul? A can worms. Sigh.

Moving onto less heavy stuff.

Today the band hit the studio to blow off some steam and work out our songs. I don't know what got into us today but we were on fire. Our two new songs Header and Jerry's Sad Song (Yes those are currently the titles of the songs, we're not really big on song names, in fact they tried to name a song I wrote as the John Mayer song fortunately that's been changed to Goodbye, Goodnight after Rashaad and I protested) just came together perfectly. I can't explain it but yeah there was this synergy. We were all on the same page. Bass lines came to me like the ten commands were revealed to Moses. Difference here is that I didn't have to chisel them down on stone tablets, no instead I got to play them on a mighty axe. I would say my mighty axe, but Sophia is still in the shop. Good news everyone! (yes, if you suddenly thought of Professor Hubert Farnsworth from Futurama you are a certified genius in my books and if you didn't or don't know who that is just move onto the next part) She's ready to be collected, everything checks out and she's ready to growl again. This makes me most happy.

Finally, I've been a little moody and subdued this past week and a half. I haven't really been in touch with anyone in any form of meaningful way. The mind has been a little diffused, mildly numb and generally preoccupied with things that are really of no great consequence. Such is how I am made. Hope you've found this update entertaining. Cheers.