homosexuality, my thoughts

Homosexuality is wrong. Agree with it or not this, my belief and opinion is.

I am a Christian, my opinion is formed based on my belief in the bible, the bible is the only text that I can base such a belief in or form so strongly an opinion. It is the outline, the template, the guide, the first and only text that a Christian can and should refer to when speaking on any matter.

My belief is based on, Leviticus 20:13 which states, " 'If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.” However I know that Christ said in John 8, verse 7 to be exact, when asked what to do about a woman who was caught in adultery, as with all sin, also punishable by death, Christ said “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." Further on Paul in Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” Paul goes on to state in Romans 8 that “Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.“ These verses and a score more form the basis for my belief that homosexuality is wrong and why I love homosexuals.

You may think I am a fanatic. That is an unfortunate label put on anyone who so much as hints that he reads a religious text, goes to a religious organization, or in some cases if he believes in God.

So I ask myself, am I a fanatic?

The dictionary states that a fanatic is “A person marked or motivated by an extreme, unreasoning enthusiasm, as for a cause.”

Am I motivated by an extreme, unreasoning enthusiasm, for a cause? No. I am well reasoned within the basis of my beliefs and the references that I use to come a logical conclusion. I have asked myself the following questions to further understand if what I believe is extreme and unreasoned.

Do I hate homosexuals? No.

Do I wish to cause them harm? No.

Do I think they should be allowed to be married by the secular government? Yes.

Do I think that they have every right to live their lives the way they wish? Yes.

Do I think they should be persecuted, badgered, harmed, condemned or in any way have their rights as human beings violated? No.

Do I have friends who are homosexuals? Yes.

Do I love them? With all my heart, yes.

Should they be allowed to be married in church? No.

Should they be allowed to be priests? No.

Should they be allowed to adopt children? No.

Should they be allowed to attend church? Yes, church is for the sinners, not the saints.

I am not without sin, I cast no stones. I condemn no person. I condemn the way of life.

I condemn homosexuality, not homosexuals.

I go back again to what I believe in, that which has been knitted into the fabric of my being, the bible.

Sexual relations between members of the same sex is wrong, just as sexual relations between heterosexuals is wrong before marriage, the difference here is that heterosexuals have the option of a union sanctified by God. Homosexuals do not. Yes God does love homosexuals; he also loves rapists, murders, thieves, liars, prostitutes, child molesters, necrophiliacs and all the other conceivable types of sinner that exists. However that does not mean He condones any of it. Each sin has a price that must be paid. I am fortunate that my sins have been atoned for by Christ when He died for me and you on the cross. That atonement is within reach of every person. Salvation is free for all who believe and accept Christ as their Lord and Saviour.

So again I state, I condemn homosexuality, not homosexuals. For simplicity sake I shall refer to homosexuals as he rather than having to type he/she.

Homosexuality is the way of life, the act, a mechanism by which a human being can sin.

The homosexual is the person who can’t help how he feels, but still has the choice to not give into his urges.

I battle with urges and vices all the time, so does every other living human being. If you say you have no urges or vices whatsoever you are only kidding yourself.

Simply because we have urges does that mean we should act on them? Are we not better than animals? Are we not sentient beings? Can we not reason right and wrong?

If I see a woman walking down the street, and within me I feel an urge to have sex with her, does that mean I should approach her and rape her?

Or if I see a person drop his wallet on the ground and I feel the urge to keep it for myself, does it then mean that I should do exactly that?

Or if I feel compelled to hit someone because of an urge in me to do so, does it than make it alright?

In all these cases no. And there are literarily thousands upon thousands of scenarios that can further exemplify the point I’m making.

Though some might say what is right and what is wrong? I say I refer to the bible as my moral conscience and guide. That is my yard stick for right and wrong.

Some may argue that because they do not believe in the bible what then is their moral yard stick.

I say look at Darwin’s theory of evolution, evolution can only take place through the continued perpetuation of a species. A species that can only breed asexually will eventually die out because it continues to replicate itself until its genetic material is no longer useable. It is why the best form of procreation is done between gendered species, where does homosexuality fit in here? I am no great mind but I think homosexuality would be counterproductive to evolution. And while this may not be a moral yard stick, it’s definitely an indicator to some extent the uselessness of homosexuality to humanity’s evolution.

I digress.

Now why do I bring up homosexuality? I suppose it’s because I’m angry that the church has not outright condemned it, because the church continues to pussyfoot around the issue of homosexual priests who practice homosexuality, because the church will not stand up for what its faith is based on, the bible. I bring it up because society tells me that I’m a bigot if I don’t accept homosexuality, in response I say that society is bigoted against me because society has become intolerant of my belief in my religions teachings.

I ask you, why should I accept homosexuality when it goes against the fundamental believes of my religion? Does homosexuality and those practicing it accept Christianity, my way of life?

Why should the church be told that is has to accept homosexuality?

Why should the church be forced to ordain people whose lives are in opposition to the very beliefs of the establishment?

Here is my analogy, if you become a member of a club, you must sign a legal document saying that you will adhere to all the rules and regulations, if you don’t you forfeit your membership.

Similarly there are rules to live by in Christianity, if you don’t live by them you sin and go to hell, fortunately God is a forgiving sort and if you ask in earnest, you will be forgiven. If I want to continue being a Christian I need to lives by those rules. I ask you then how can a priest, a leader of the church practice homosexuality? And yet I’m told to accept it. This is my anger.

Have I offended you? Though not the intention of this post its content may have that effect. I apologize for offending you but not for what I have written.

I am biased, but then again there exist very few unbiased opinions in the world, a person practicing homosexuality would also be biased as I a practicing Christian am biased.

I do not impose my opinion on you, nor do I impose my beliefs, I do however stand by them.

So to you, who have read this, please comment back on how this post made you feel. I will be honest and say I don’t respond kindly to profanity, so please keep the comments relevant.

No bashing of homosexuals will be tolerated.

Peace.

All Around Me - Flyleaf

blogging hiatus

Yeah I'm on hiatus, taking a break from blogging, collecting my thoughts.

Trying to learn a new language.

Trying to study.

So there is nothing much to say really. My mind, though on holiday continues to think of new and exciting posts for my faithful readers :)

Will write an actual blog post on Monday. And I have some seriously pragmatic content in mind.

Till then, na zdravie,

Dovidenia.

ja ukojiť štúdium Slovak

Low - Flo Rida; Travis Barker, a whole new level

the good friday, the wondrous cross

Good Friday, the lowest day in the Christian calender, the darkest day there is in our faith, it is our greatest sorrow, and yet truly our greatest joy is born from this the darkest of days. In the act of dying for our sins he made for us a hope of eternal life. Of life beyond this dark world and it's evil powers. A hope for perfection, a hope for peace everlasting. Where sickness and frailty are no more, where sin and death has no power over us, where we may spend our lives glorify our father in heaven.

the good Friday, the wondrous cross

Savior divine to see Thee hanging on the tree,
from Thy pierced side bleeding out for me,
the pain and anguish You suffered for the wretched me,
moves my heart, moves my soul, I fall to my knees

the darkness of death falling as the deepest night,
to see Thee hanging upon the wondrous cross, my Savior forlorn,
nailed, and upon Thy head a crown of thorns,
thee Savior divine dying, I crying, at the woeful sight,

tears well in my eyes at the glorious sight,
as my sin You take, this blight,
crying "it is finished" with all Thy might,
Risen, I forgiven, no longer forsaken, this O glorious light,

This hymn, says what I feel better than I can say myself.

When I survey the wondrous cross by Isaac Watts

When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of glory died,
My richest gain I count but loss,
And pour contempt on all my pride.

Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast,
Save in the death of Christ my God!
All the vain things that charm me most,
I sacrifice them to His blood.

See from His head, His hands, His feet,
Sorrow and love flow mingled down!
Did e’er such love and sorrow meet,
Or thorns compose so rich a crown?

His dying crimson, like a robe,
Spreads o’er His body on the tree;
Then I am dead to all the globe,
And all the globe is dead to me.

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were a present far too small;
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all.

someone pass the milk

Milk!

A whitish liquid containing proteins, fats, lactose, and various vitamins and minerals that is produced by the mammary glands of all mature female mammals after they have given birth and serves as nourishment for their young.

When defined that way, it just seems disgusting. DISGUSTING!

But milk is the most awesome drink that God has given us to drink, thank you cows and goats to a lesser extent, sometimes camels for those in the middle east. The only drink that rivals milk in my opinion is pineapple juice but that deserves it's own post when the time comes.

MILK! MILK! MILK!

Sucks though if you're lactose intolerant, or have retarded taste buds, the latter being almost unforgivable.

Milk is such an awesome fluid, you can make, hot chocolate, chocolate, pancakes, butter, CHEESE, yogurt. The list goes on. And on!

Let us now focus on the CHEESE!

CHEESE, is so awesome, clogs your arteries but mmmm does it taste oh so good. I'm personally very fond of cheddar, the older, the sharper, the better. One of the things I love to do with cheese is to chop it into tiny cubes, get olives, get little toothpicks, stick my olives on the toothpicks with my cheese and pew pew, awesome snack. Goes very well with wine.

Cheeses I like include cheddar, feta, camembert, havarti, brie, every form of Irish, Italian, English cheese though Double Gloucester does stand out as far english cheeses go :)

CHEESE! makes me happy. And milk even more so :)

Thank you God for milk :)

So drink a glass of milk!

playing hard to get, gets you no where

Here is what I think.

A guy likes a girl. It is not the end of the world. Can't people like each other?

Girls if you know a guy likes you, do him a favour and don't play hard to get. Cause it gets you no where. If you don't like him and want to be friends you should be able to sit him down and say, "Dude I like you, but friendship is all I have to give" if the prick can't take the hint you're probably better off not being friends with him.

However if you like the guy as well, wtf! Why are you playing hard to get? I mean obviously you shouldn't jump in head first, you need to get to know him. But why would you make the process even harder? Why do you test him?

Society is so skewed these days, that men have been told so much that they're sexist pigs and granted a lot of them are, still men have been made to feel so inadequate next to women, why would you want to make it even harder? Gosh have a heart.

Not all men have it bad, only the nice guys, the jerks and assholes get through life oblivious of the fact that women are playing any sort of game. Women seem to flock to them. It's strange. Nice guys genuinely want to please you, and women go for the guy that treats them like crap. Wish I understood that.

Nice guys finish last. I digress. Sorry.

Bah, playing hard to get, gets you no where. Indeed why would you play a game? A game where you could end up getting burnt. Isn't life hard enough without the added drama?

Or maybe women only play hard to get with me? Cause they want to get no where.

Randomness tonight.

the welcome back party, awesome

It's a post that is a few days late, but better than never talking about it.

The welcome back party :D

A most awesome event, definitely hits high on my list of great moments this year. It was BIG! The team that put the event together really out did themselves. A big clap for them.

It started on a drippy Friday evening, rain falling, things wetting, participant delaying, and organizers fretting.

However as the night progressed the site of the party aka the cafeteria, began to fill with people, most of who were initially shy but after a couple of rounds of red bull were partying with almost no inhibition.

Someone spiked that red bull, I had 4 cans. I also danced for 3 hours. Sugar rush.

Those who hit the dance floor lost themselves in an almost orgasmic euphoria. Friends of mine who I had never seen let lose, abandoned their sensibilities to the fray.

The pulse of music through the system.

The night was on overdrive, with people partying with a passion for life that can only be described as beautiful. There was a merging of senses, of human connection.
It was raw, primal, sweat mingling, the heat building, bodies swaying, moving to the rhythm of the night. We were all lifted to a higher place. It was amazing.

The bands got the crowd going, each unique and interesting.

The girls were on fire, freaks on the dance floor. They had me hot under my collar. Sol though had me for the night. My attention taken, my focus driven.

It was an awesome time with equally awesome people. Thank you.

the leviathan rising; the maelstrom swelling

the leviathan to the surface rising,
unquiet the maelstrom raging, like a sea swelling,
tempested from within stirring,
the soul a fire so cold burning,

plotting, scheming its steely eyes yearning,
pleasant, pleasurable its scent like myrrh pleasing,
bitter, bitter, to the taste revealing,
this behemoth, abomination, no longer sleeping,

contained, held within, for release beckoning,
usurper, deceiver, fools readily trusting,
medium, mechanism, through guile its goals achieving,
unresting, unhasting, for its time to come waiting,

in the throes of madness, its brilliance stunning,
to the surface, to the surface, human will withering,
in resplendence, ascending, sentient, this evil being,
the maelstrom swelling, good with evil transposing.

anticipating, agitating, uncaring,
a pain that surpass human understanding
the leviathan rising, rising, rising,
the maelstrom swelling, swelling, unending,

her name was tabitha, is

Death: Cessation, termination, the end of life. No longer being in existence. Dead.

Morbid & sadly numb. That's how I feel.

My Tabitha was taken from me, killed, my Tobey. My cat.

I love her. And I miss her, yet I can't bring myself to cry the tears that are lurking behind my eyes, they seem trapped in the maelstrom that is slowly swelling up within me. My heart feels wrenched out of place. Torn asunder. I feel hollow. Devoid of normality. Empty.

The song "stuck in a moment" by U2 sums how my mind feels, replaying over and over again my mum sobbing over the phone telling me that she had been run over.

I went cold, shut down, stopped breathing and froze still but the world around me kept on spinning, adjusting itself, complacent that there was one less life on the planet and making way for all the others that are about to be born.

I think somewhere in that I stopped spinning with the world.

Even as I sit here typing, I feel nothing inside me. A hollow husk. I just wish the tears would come. I want to get this over with. But I can't. I'm much like the ancient mariner stuck like a painted ship upon a painted ocean. I miss her. I miss her. I love her. My cat. My Tobey.

Silent, Solemn, Sorrowful, Chaos.

END

low blood sugar sex magic

zOMG!
I spent 7 hours sitting in one place.
Yeap 7 hours!
Good golly gosh!
I sat at the "welcome back party" booth for 7 hours.

Why?

I now must logically dissect my reasons for sitting there.

Music. Ok, wasn't bad, though I think I heard "Take a Look Around" more times than I wished to. Now I know why I want to hate Fred Durst too.

Food. There wasn't any but the hot dog I procured was pretty good. Mmmm mustardy.

Honestly though it was the insanely random people that kept coming and sitting at the booth. You guys know who you are :D

Had a lot of fun just conversing with people. If we'd had some weed or sheesha(I have never smoked any weed but I imagine it would've made the situation complete), a couple of bags of corn chips and some cold salsa I think we'd still be sitting there :D

I wish I could do that more often, the sitting back and chilling out with other people, talking, laughing, eating corn chips and salsa. Smoke a little sheesha. Weed not so much but... lets leave that hanging.

*Warning: Smoking weed can lead to cancer and stupidity, mostly stupidity*

I love the random people in my life.

Anyways low blood sugar. Unrelated to the stuff above and yet intricately related to my day and absurdly horrible performance in COD4 today. I realized that I'm not getting enough carbs in my diet.

Or perhaps I'm expanding more energy than I'm consuming cause my performance in COD4 was abysmal, I was brain tired from doing nothing all day except sitting around a booth conversing, and trust me I was not expounding any great philosophical ideas either. No deep and profound brain things.

But this evening I consumed a pepsi and was instantly awake. I think this needs further investigation. I don't want to consume any more carbs than I'm consuming at the moment. I've been a little spotty going to the gym, so I've got to keep the carbs on the low. More on this as it develops.

So yeah here comes the end to my very cool blog post. LOL.

END

Peace

mind the lesser creatures; inferiority

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Eleanor Roosevelt

As true a statement as they come and yet even with such knowledge we find ourselves feeling inferior to the people around us. Or should I say, I feel inferior to certain people.

I suppose it's because much like the Israelite explorers who said "We seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes, and we looked the same to them." we sell ourselves short, formulating opinions of ourselves for other people. And you know that reflects more on our state of mind than it does anything else.

I do this to myself sometimes though I try hard not to these days, but I slip up sometimes, lol, good gosh I'm only human after all you judgmental fascist! lol!

Yeah though these days when I start to feel inferior to someone around me I just look for a flaw and God knows there are so many flaws to pick from. It allows me to humanize anyone that I might otherwise attribute a godlike status to. It helps me keep my perceptions of people grounded, I rarely pedestal people these days. It's a good thing.

I've learned that what we think people think of us, is not really what they think of us. Invariably our perception is skewed by our emotional state and how we view ourselves. I think it all boils down to self esteem.

Figure out who you are, and work with it. It works for me.

Heaven by Live

rock my socks, you do

You rock my socks!

I love that term. It embodies everything I feel when someone makes me truly happy.

And there are people in this world who make me truly happy, I love those people. They need not know who they are, but they are indeed awesome individuals. The list of people who rock my socks has significantly increased this semester. I suppose I've stopped hiding in my little room, afraid that the world will screw me over.

I'm back in the world, living again, reconnecting with humanity and it's good! Boy oh boy it is good. It's been years since I've been able to wake up looking forward to living a day. And you know, I look forward to everyday. It's really good. I mean supercalifragilisticexpialidocious good.

So I'm filled with joy, I never was suicidal, just very lonely, and for some reason I thought isolating myself was the way to go, I thought if I was alone I could never be torn in two again. However all that happened was the erosion of the delicate walls I had put in place to hold back the anger, pain, guilt and sadness in my life. 7 years of suffering, now over. I'm free. FREE! FREE!

My personal motto has always been, 'sola gratia" or by grace alone. The title that I carry with pride bestowed by my parents and friends is "Tristan by the grace of God". And truly it has been God's amazing grace that has brought safe thus far, and his grace that will lead me home.

So I'm better than I was, and I'm striving to be better everyday.

So I leave you with my favourite hymn.

"Amazing Grace"

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me.
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.

Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

When we've been here ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun.

the uneventful day

It was an uneventful day, mostly unproductive, I skipped a class, shouldn't have, but did so, forgot to check the student drive for new notes, and now I find myself lacking the necessary equipment to do my tutorial. I was about to type homework but realized that I am 22 now and no longer receive homework. Lol.

Things in my life continue to progress, somethings on track, others a little behind. Some good things progressing well so long as I don't stuff up. Short entry today, my brain is dead.

Peace.

the bad day, poignant, morose

Do you get days when you feel like you can't get anything right? That no matter how much you try to get above your situation, you keep sinking anyway and the harder you try, the worse the day gets. I'm having one of those days, I just keep messing up today. I feel morose.

heart beating, emotions scattered,
like a cauldron bubbling,
the tempest reaching,

mind unfocused,
thoughts transient, incorporeal,
through the pathless void traversing, blinding,

spirit numb, cold, diffused,
hopelessly despairing,
sighing, bleeding, dying,

the day looms, an impending doom
my walls crashing down,
I drown in waking sorrow, alone, alone

star wars gangsta rap

the procrastination continues

help me, i'm a procrastinator

Procrastinator supreme, I am.

I got some work done today, but it pales in comparison to the amount of time I found myself wasting. What is with that? I looked for so many excuses to just not do any work. Alright I didn't exactly look for excuses, I subconsciously just arranged things so I would do the minimal amount of work.

However tomorrow shall be different. Indeed it shall, my other personalities agree, we shall work our asses off. At least we'll try. We aren't to clever though. But we do try. So, yeah, work, tomorrow. Let the morning come. I'm going to kick Saturday's arse.

Today, though filled with procrastination wasn't entirely bad. Highlight was sitting down with a nice girl, and having a really good conversation. I love conversations, I enjoy listening, I enjoy contributing, I love the exchanging of words, as if we were all in a play. So fascinating how other people are. So much is said that goes unheard in most conversations, sentence structuring, choice of words, intonation, eye contact, body language. These things are a subset of the words being spoken, and sometimes are a far more interesting matter than the content of the spoken word. Though to ignore words completely is to start erasing the highway numbers on your map. You'll lose your way. So you who talked to me today, thank you.

So procrastination has it's upsides too, it allows for some major randomness. Something I enjoy, being, random. Screw what people think you should be, random is always the way to go. It's messy, it can get you into a lot of trouble, but it can bring just as much in pleasure too. One who is too structured can never truly live a complete and whole life. I think each of us need a little chaos in our order. But we should never lose ourselves completely to the fray. I've skimmed that edge, between ordered chaos, and pure calamity. A dark place.

Anyways, I'm positive tomorrow will bring much more work to the table and the mind, I don't hope, I will make it happen, God willing, and I think he'd want me to get some work done. So I'm hoping he gives me the appropriate nudge. I'm looking for a sign, though what that may be, I have no idea, gotta keep an open mind.

I think I've sufficiently blogged for today. Maybe more as my Saturday progresses.

Peace

it sucks to be beautiful

You know it took me many years to come to terms with the fact that I wasn't all that good looking. I know I'm not ugly, but I'm definitely not an oil painting, unless I was drawn by Picasso, then maybe I'd fit right in.

So when I say that it sucks to be beautiful, I'm not saying it out of spite, I readily accept the fact that I'm not a good looking fellow, in fact I make the most of what I have, and life runs quite smoothly.

But truly I say to you, it sucks to be good looking, why do you ask? how can I possibly cast aspersions on the perfect?

Firstly, as I was reading somewhere, beautiful people are automatically assessed on a higher level than us regular people. Most people automatically assume that good looking people are smarter, funnier, more successful than your average person. Now on the surface this seems all well and good, but there is an underlying current of expectation, a need to live up to this, and frankly, looks don't govern any internal qualities, lets face it, physical beauty is only skin deep. So will beautiful people always be able to live up to these expectations, in my experience, no, they rarely do.

Secondly, people approach good looking people all the time, shyly or boldly, beautiful people are approached all the time, for friendship, for relationships. So yeah on the surface it would seem that a good looking person could have anyone they wanted. Though one has to wonder how many beautiful people find truly meaningful relationships in all the choice that they have? It must be something to have to second guess every conversation, every motivation, every word, every look, seeking that sincerity, that honesty only to be disappointed time and again. I can't imagine the pain. And the isolation.

Finally, beautiful people usually suffer from what I like to call, poor personality development, basically at 20 they've got the personality of a 10 year old, and not even a deep 10 year old, I'm talking as shallow as the ocean is deep, shallow. So yeah, beautiful on the outside, incorporeal on the inside. I suppose guys don't suffer as much here from the lack of personality, since we're usually about spoon deep. However a girl without a personality is fine while she's beautiful, 40 years down the road, and her looks are well lets say she won't be getting many looks and with her personality about as evolved as the doorknob since it's inception, I don't think it's going to be a pretty picture.

To sum it up cynical as I may seem, life truly screwed over beautiful people. It's terrible to realize that what makes you unique, is your greatest flaw. So beautiful people, I feel sorry for you. At least you've got each other. There is a rainbow in every storm.

Peace.

my paradoxical enigma

I couldn't sleep and so I penned this poem, there are things in my mind I don't understand, and they've come out in this poem I guess, you could say I've had an enigma that's paradoxical in nature. How is that? Well there is the paradox. I don't understand it and yet do. A contradictory nature of an inner revelation. Post me your thoughts.

who are you? friend or foe?
heaven sent, or the devil's own?
clothed in wonder, shrouded in mystery,
my paradoxical enigma,

contrary though it may be,
I fear thee and am elated by thee,
contrary creature that you are to me,
paradox wrapped in an enigma,

silent and screaming,
my heart beating,
my eyes seeing the implicit, unbelieving,
my paradoxical enigma

where do I stand in this transient space,
where do I belong in this creation,
sanity, and insanity, seemingly transposable,
for you, my paradoxical enigma

the jakarta deception

It seems to me that the haze we experienced was all a big ploy by the Indonesian government to take over our (cough, cough) our fair and beautiful land… You wonder how… well think about it they burn their forest and the smoke produced is carried by the wind to our fairest Malaysia (gagging). What is produced from the burning of wood?

Chemistry 101, carbon dioxide, carbon monoxide and a whole host of other cancer inducing substances! It’s like everyone in Malaysia smoking cigarettes all day long, can you think of the ramifications the smoke would have on our lungs? Doh! Lung cancer!!!

They tried the same tactic before… in a different way though; it started with their ‘Illegal’ immigrants, taking up every single factory position because they were willing to work for less than any KFC loving, belacan breathing Malaysian and putting our people (I use the term very loosely) out of business, Malaysians couldn’t find jobs anymore… so they did what any other nation without jobs do.

Malaysian vices increased, smoking and drinking were at an all time high, in came the Indonesian sempurna brand cigarettes and the Indonesian ‘top beer’, cheaper then 90% of the cigarettes and beers in the Malaysian market, making them the best solution for cash strapped Malaysians who had no jobs at the time, however their fiendish plot was stopped. And life continued, Malaysians were oblivious as always save their new tendency to smoke and drink which has been passed on to their children hence the birth of places like Bangsar and Hartamas, and then came the first haze, an accident truly.

But the Indonesians were crafty they realized that the haze would be an even easier and more effective way of causing wide spread lung cancer. Not to mention their government was strapped for cash because they had invested heavily in cigarette and beer commercials with skimpily dressed women in an attempt to aggressively sell their previously mention product. So this time they set fire to their forest, and they synchronized this with the burnings in Putrajaya so no one person could wholly blame them for the haze.

Why lung cancer? It’s terminal… If no one is left in Malaysia, they don’t need to fight… We all saw what happened to their army in East Timor.

No offense people of Indonesia, someone had to be the butt of the joke, sorry it had to be you.

This was a post from my old blog, most who read it thought it was quite entertaining, I wrote in August 2005, hopefully the humor in it can still be appreciated today. So read on and share with me your thoughts

the day ends only for another to start

I'm currently 5 kinds of tired or perhaps even more, my blog has been running for less than a day and already I've written 5 posts, go me... :)

So here is my sixth and final for the day, just to sum up the day I guess, it was uneventful, I saw many of the people I like but spent very little time with each one of them. I had my brains rattled in fluid mechanics 2, that wasn't fun.

Somehow or the other I managed to get roped into helping out at a welcome back party at university. I'm part of the security detail, low level grunt work suits me just fine though, especially after having seen the tediously tiresome work that the organizing committee had done to get this far, crazy sh!t. Got to hand it to these fellows, they are pretty dedicated.

All in all it was a pretty good day, I didn't see a couple of the people that I had hoped to, but you know que sera, sera.

I'm so tired, I think I shall sign off here. Good night folks catch you tomorrow bright and early.

As the song "Closing Time by Semisonic" goes, every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end. Profound song right there. Listen to it. So it's closing time for today.

Catch you on the flip side.

sexuality in games, not sex in games; an editorial

I recently read (oh about 5 minutes ago) an article and a forum post on sexuality in games. After many deep and profound brain things inside my head (thank you King Julian), the little gears (I mean really, really little ones) in my head started to mesh (and by that I mean turn) and the inner workings of my pragmatic mind got me thinking; and no it's not because I obsess about sex all day, granted I'm male and so it would be difficult for anyone to believe that sex isn't the only thing on my mind.

However we aren't talking about me or are we?

Bah nevermind, where was I, oh yeah sexuality in games. Sexuality in games, is like sexuality in movies, is it necessary for us to see the act? or the insinuation of the act?

Well a lot would argue that it is necessary to see the act, but that's just sex really and not sexuality. I think if you want to watch a porno get one with Jenna Jameson in it, or whoever the current hot starlet is, or better yet get a girlfriend,a friends with benefits buddy or if you're really desperate a wife, I know it's less fun when people aren't condemning you for pre-marital sex, but it gets the job done. Forgive me I digress.

Personally I think the insinuation is far often, more enticing than to see two people go at each other doing the horizontal tango, and getting their freak on, whatever be the accepted vernacular. The unknown is often far more interesting than the known, it's in our nature to wonder, it's I think, the reason we stare at the stars, look into the deep blue sea, climb the highest mountains, our need to know is propelled by mystery, by intrigue. I think it's why I was always interested in the "bad" girl in school, cause she was an unknown quantity. This is sexuality to me, the concept, the idea, the ethereal wonder of our nature.

Getting back on track... Not sex in games, but sexuality in games, I think that for games to immerse you further, for you to feel the character you're playing, for you be able to make a connection with the story, the character needs to be humanized, and for him/her to be in such a state, sexuality needs to be essential, just as much as violence, compassion, love, duty, honour, forgiveness and any other quality that makes us human.

Sex in games in my opinion, is infantile, unnecessary, and serves no purpose, except to get some sort juvenile thrill (which I too sometimes enjoy) However the insinuation, far more effective as it blends our sexuality into the game.

Sexuality in games, well that is necessary, it's part of what makes human, if it's missing from games, it's removes a part of the story, of course, when I talk about sexuality in games, I'm not talking about complete fairytale games like Ratchet and Clank or Daxter, or Sonic, or Viva Pinata or any such game.

I'm talking about Gears of War, Mass Effect, Halo, Killzone, Warcraft, and so on, I'm talking about the games that talk about humanity, the stories that seek to immerse you, to remove any human quality or failing from the game is to take away from it's story, Halo had sexuality, yeah, it did, there was a chemistry between the Master Chief and Cortana, there was an unspoken love, a sense sexuality between the half human, half machine man, and the wholly artificial construct female, it added another layer to the story, it was subtle but you could tell the Master Chief loved Cortana, and she loved him, Mass effect allowed you a plot line to seek love or not, superficial and yet essential. Insinuation is the word.

So to sum it up, sexuality like any other human quality is essential to a story driven game. I think the fact that we tip toe around sexuality and many other human qualities and failings reflects our immaturity as a species.

Thank you for reading.

randomness and a PS3 hit

You know what's getting me down, all this Sony will rise again stuff that we keep reading about.

Humbug I say, and no it's not because I own a xbox or a xbox360. See if I hated Sony I wouldn't own a PSP slim and lite nor would I own a SonyEricsson w580i

Lets face the facts, they tried to compete with themselves and ended up falling over themselves or did they? Yeap they weren't competing against Microsoft, they were competing against the playstation 2, and I think it's evident that Sony put too much technology into a box too soon. Why would they do that? Why intentionally increase the price of your system when you can get away with so much less. After all price tag is important. So I think it was all cleverly engineered plot, yep a plot I tell you. What is this fiendish plot?

Well I think it goes something like this...

(Time frame) Around end of PS2 lifecycle and PS3 pre-development time...

enter fiendish type plot...

Cracking their heads as to how to best their ps2, the PS3 development team had come up against a brick wall, one which no idea could penetrate, they had tried everything, playing Halo, eating McDonald's, play golf on one of the roof tops in japan, prank calling Bill Gates, but nothing helped them, this is probably what they thought.

PS3 Guy A "Ok we're stuffed mates, our bloody ps2 is the bomb, wtf are we going to do, how can we out shine the ps2?"

PS3 Guy B "We should play more halo 2, maybe if I kill a few more noobs, my mind will clear and we'll be able to think clearer"

So after an excessive amount of time on xbox live, the developers came back to the table but still nothing had changed, they were stumped, so decided to eat a bit more McDonalds.

PS3 Guy A "Wtf man I'm stuffed after 3 big macs" and suddenly a lightbulb went off in PS3 Guy A's head "That's it"

PS3 Guy B "What's it?"

PS3 Guy A "Well stuff it!"

PS3 Guy B "Stuff it? Man I think you've tapped one to many times on the bong"

PS3 Guy A "I mean stuff it with all the tech we have, that way people will hate the PS3, and so when we develop the PS4 with the similiar tech people will love the PS4"

PS3 Guy B "Dude, serious no more big macs and weed for you"

PS3 Guy A "Seriously dude, if we f*ck up the PS3, then we can outshine ourselves when we make the PS4!"

PS3 Guy B "I'm starting to question your sanity but you are after all PS3 Guy A, so yeah I guess we can do this"

And thus the PS3 was born, f*cked up on purpose so that they can outshine themselves with the PS4.

And thus ends my ludicrous blogpost, hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have

if I was

If I was, in a movie, I'd be one of the first extras to be killed off, if I survive it's probably because I was cast as that weird fat guy who was placed there for comic relief. Like the fat guy from lost. How does a fat guy stay that fat on deserted island? I mean sure they had food, and boar, and papayas, but seriously he should've dropped a few pounds somewhere. Maybe he did, in his foot. Poor fat guy.

If I was, a goat, I would be mutton sooner than you could say parattel. On moment ramming little lady goats the next floating around in a big pot and then in someone's belly.

If I was, a chicken, three letters come to mind K F C!

If I was, a butterfly, I'd have 2 weeks to live and would probably manage to find some way to waste the little time given to me.

If I was, a girl, I'd never leave the house. I'd be a fairly ugly woman. Though I doubt I can look any worse than I do as a guy.

More if I was, when I've thought up more.

the plumber provides a legitimate excuse to skip class

So here I am, at home and for some reason actually wishing that I was at Uni wtf? But never mind the longing to be at Uni, we'll discuss that later.

The plumber. What of it? Well our kitchen sink and outer drain pipe keep clogging up and so we've called in the plumber to deal with it, he's going fight the forces of clogged drains and grotesque balls of organic gunk with his ass crack aired to the whole world or at least to my eyes, oh the pain. Even typing this bull crap is making me shiver. And not in a good way. Eww.

So yeah where was I, uhm no not ass crack, get enough of the hairy variety when I hang around Yasir, lol. Not girlie ass crack either, which honestly is rarely cute. It is however a step up from hairy ass crack.

So yeah the plumber, dad called the landlord and so the plumber is supposed to get over here between 11am and 3pm. So I skipped my 8am class and 10am class. Where is the logic in that? Well I figured that if I went to Uni and back home by 11.30am, then back to Uni by 3pm, I'd be freaking tired and since neither class on its own was of monumental importance I decided to stay at home. However if I miss several in a row well I'm screwed. Or in the currently accepted vernacular, majorly f*ck*d.

For some reason erasing the vowels from the expletive suddenly makes it acceptable. How does that work? Another example; bitch, rude expletive, b!tch, acceptable; shit, rude expletive, sh!t, acceptable. What's going on here? It would appear the vowels make the expletive and not the consonants.

So why do I long to be in University? It's question I've been asking myself for sometime now, maybe it's cause I've made a whole bunch of new friends, don't worry older ones I attend uni for you as well, but I guess I just feel like I belong better now at Uni, a lot has changed since I was first at uni and well that's helped, plus now there is an inner desire to be better than I was, I don't have wow and it's trappings holding me back, I have actually made true human connections and it feels great. So all those people who've been kind enough to count me as a friend thank you very much, know that I love you very much.

Who knew the thought of a plumber's hairy ass crack would foster such deep and profound thought. I suppose I was shaken to my core and had to respond.

This is me signing of for the day.

to blog or not to blog, woe the clichéd question

I hate the term "blog" such a ridiculous term, and yet here I am blogging.

I ask you, where is the sense in that? where is the supposed pragmatism? why did the chicken cross the road? and who would be so bothered to wonder these things?

First of all there need not be sense, secondly to hate the term is not to hate the action now is it?

Logically speaking no, and since pragmatism is defined as logical or practical thought, I think we have our pragmatism right here, I can now blissfully blog without contradiction, or mental hindrance. For a further understanding of the word, click here.

It's good to get all that out of the way.

So why am I back to blogging? Well for years I've suffered with insomnia, it comes and goes, and well I figured that writing down or in this case typing what I think, or the incoherent nonsense that passes for thought in my head, would be a good idea, maybe it will help me sleep at night to get these thoughts out of my head and onto something tangible, that is if you can consider the electrical charges that make up the information on the hard disk, on the server that is hosting this blog tangible.

Also there is the fact that almost nobody will read what I write, and so I figure for those who do there shall be something to occupy you with, if I can distract you from your own sad existence, I'll know that my life is not as crappy as yours. Though I honestly don't think my life is crappy and so it is not a reason behind this blog, my life is running pretty well, there have been a few hiccups but I'll work them out soon enough.

Why did the chicken cross the road? If I knew I wouldn't be asking the question, now would I?

Who would wonder these things? Me, but if you do too, drop me a line. If you're a girl be sure to leave your name and number. I'm free on weekends. I can't guarantee that I'll like you but it's worth a shot.

Anyway I think this shall be all for my first post. Drop me a comment if you've read and enjoyed any part of it. Catch you on the flip side.