Can't Get Enough of You Baby - Smash Mouth

all the pretty paintings

A friend of mine is leaving the country very soon, it was an eventuality foreseen and unfortunately for me I'm going to miss her very much. It is going to be very much like this, one day everything is awesome and everything is colourful and bright and the next all the pretty paintings she's coloured into my life will washout as the rain falls in her absence. Dark clouds are on the horizon and I know they're coming for me.

I could focus on them as I have been doing the last couple of weeks or I could spend all the time I have left with her, hoping to have so many paintings that the rain will not be able to wash them all out.

She is by far one of the most colourful people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting, her absence will rob me of a part myself I never had before, a part of me she woke up and gave colour, her beauty both physical and emotional has impacted me, her mind has opened my eyes and her absence will leave me wanting. My life has been greatly enriched by her and if I have an abundant number of paintings even the rain cannot seek to wash them all away. A friendship not lost.

If you're reading this, you've given me more out of our friendship than I could ever have hoped for. I thank you. I'm looking forward to the pretty paintings and the goofy smiles.

Hugs and Kisses

the nomad

for i no hearth exists,
in the jigsaw i does not fit,
a nomad in the timeless mist,
content in his ignorant bliss,

idle dew drops captivate,
this i in his opiate escape,
fantasies reflect in his eye's glaze,
unfixed staring at arbitrary space,

freedom within his cage,
an oblivion of his mind's array,
for his thoughts no page,
the depravity of chaos portrayed,

now this i sees,
in the dreamscape a travesty,
in our humanness a frailty,
we bereft of sensibilities,

this broken soul wistful,
yearning for clarity,
sighing at his humanity,
and all its idiosyncrasies

pride

such is the fallacy of human pride,
in our attempt to conquer minds,
we wither humanity in our stride,
till all we leave are ruined lives,

understanding perceived a notion unsubstantial,
to never see the other side,
knowledge thought a vantage worthless,
such is the fallacy of human pride,

morpheus

to sleep you go winks,
like the man named rip
deny not the sandman,
i, your morpheus am,

to shape, to make,
you, i will not break,
in me solace take,
i, your morpheus wake,

i your dreams write,
in me take sweet delight,
i one from the twilight,
i, your morpheus sublime,

such is release,
captured in this art,
you with me in the stars,
i, your morpheus assure,

caught in the expanse,
eternity ends in no time,
and moment is a pleasure,
i, your morpheus treasure

the rising sun,
and to slumber i must,
return to you soon trust,
to be your morpheus again winks.

Nemo - Nightwish

This is me for forever
One of the lost ones
The one without a name
Without an honest heart as compass

This is me for forever
One without a name
These lines the last endeavour
To find the missing lifeline

Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
All I wish is to dream again
My loving heart
Lost in the dark
For hope I'd give my everything

My flower
Withered between
The pages two and three
The once and forever bloom gone with my sins

Walk the dark path
Sleep with angels
Call the past for help
Touch me with your love
And reveal to me my true name

Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
All I wish is to dream again
My loving heart
Lost in the dark
For hope I'd give my everything

Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
Oh how I wish to dream again
Once and for all
And all for once
Nemo my name forever more

Nemo sailing home
Nemo letting go

Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
All I wish is to dream again
My loving heart
Lost in the dark
For hope I'd give my everything

Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
Oh how I wish to dream again
Once and for all
And all for once
Nemo my name forever more

Nemo my name forever more

the way i see it - boys and men

the way I see it, the distinct difference between boys and men aside from the greater amount of flatulence, facial hair, receding hairline and hairier balls, is how far you have to fall when you've screwed up. Men fall further.

Yes men fall further in the eyes of the world in comparison to boys. If you never take up the mantle of being a man, you shall always remain loved in the eyes of the world regardless of how many times you fall or how bad that fall is. Why?

It's boils down to the expectation that the world places on boys and men.

Boys are expected to fall, to be irresponsible, to lack good sense, to make mistakes, to be immature. It's the norm, no one is phased when by the stupidity of boys. In fact there is a saying that basically makes everything alright for a boy. It goes "boys will be boys". That saying is basically a green light for a boy to do just about anything and get away with it.

Men are expected to be responsible, to be strong, to be secure, to be infallible, to be steady, to be level headed, to provide, to be mature. Sayings like "be the bigger man" come into play, which basically tell men to be all that is expected of them. The seemingly ominous duty of being a man is daunting, filled with strife and copious amounts of responsibility. It is like being forged in the hottest furness. Many crack under immense weight of this responsibility. Can the boy survive the forging process? Can this boy be a man?

It's a lot for the boy trying to wear a man's shoes to take on at once because at the heart of it, the boy remains forever, hidden within the man. Eventually the boy becomes a man, though not every boy wants to. What sort of man would this boy be? The answer I dare not consider for fear it will be something I cannot live with.

I am the boy content with being a boy and nothing more for now. I am Peter Pan, my mind is my neverland.

Can't take my eyes off of you - Frank Valli

Song Lyrics

Trouble Sleeping - The Perishers

days

we have so many days ahead of us,
though numbered be those days,
we still have them in fair supply,
be they good ones or bad,

perhaps equally portioned,
i hope the bias towards good is,
our job is only this,
to treasure the good and discard the bad,

Bittersweet Symphony - The Verve

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Trying to make ends meet
You're a slave to money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the veins meet yeah

No change, I can't change
I can't change, I can't change
But I'm here in my mind
I am here in my mind
But I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mind
No, no, no, no, no, no, no,no,no,no,no,no(fading away)

Well I never pray
But tonight I'm on my knees yeah
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now
But the airways are clean and there's nobody singing to me now

No change, I can't change
I can't change, I can't change
But I'm here in my mind
I am here in my mind
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mind
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
I can't change
I can't change it

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Trying to make ends meet
Trying to find some money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the veins meet yeah

You know I can't change, I can't change
I can't change, I can't change
But I'm here in my mind
I am here in my mind
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mind
No, no, no, no, no

I can't change my mind
no, no, no, no, no,
I can't change
Can't change my body,
no, no, no

I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
Been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
That you've ever been down
That you've ever been down

Sway - The Perishers

I talk to you as to a friend
I hope that's what you've come to be
It feels as though we've made amends
Like we found a way eventually

It was you who picked the pieces up
When I was a broken soul
And then glued me back together
Returned to me what others stole

I don't wanna hurt you
I don't wanna make you sway
Like I know I've done before
I will not do it anymore
I've always been a dreamer
I've had my head among the clouds
Now that I'm coming down
Won't you be my solid ground?

I look at you and see a friend
I hope that's what you wanna be
Are we back now where it all began
Have you finally forgiven me?

You gathered my dreams in
When they all blew away
And then tricked them back into me
You saved me I was almost dead

to muse

It is strange that people who believe that I would be good at a relationship are the people who aren't the focus of my affection. Perhaps it is the innate kindness in these people that compels them to believe this.

I'm not saying that the people that are the focus of my affection aren't kind people, no not all, I think because it pertains to them, they aren't looking at it with as much naivety and so they aren't as caught up with what would seem as good relationship material.

This explanation is better than the other one in my mind. Let us not give it words, still one can't help but feel a little bogged down by it all.

After all if people are telling you a thing about yourself that is apparently positive and you're experiencing the opposite where it would seem to matter the most, it makes you question if you've really got any of the positive thing in you.

Maybe it's all a farce. Maybe, just maybe and so I muse.

Where is the silver lining?

small mercies

"Hope for the best, expect the worst. Life is a play. We're unrehearsed..."
Mel Brooks

Fumble a lot we do, forget our lines, get cold feet, become impatient, fall over ourselves, hurt other people. Such is the malady that plagues our humanness.

And yet in all our randomness exists hope. It is the adhesive that keeps everything from falling apart. It keeps us from falling apart. It keeps me together as I'm torn apart. This is the mercy shown me, better than none at all.

Though there are times when even hope needs a miracle, times when hope needs a bit more than hope.

the way i see it - women part deux

The way i see it, women are Goddesses.

I wrote on Thursday about how women were the woe of men and yes I still think they're trouble. However they're a trouble a guy will gladly get himself into. A trouble I would gladly get myself into. They are godlike. Pedestal worthy. In my book they are the almost unattainable earthly perfection.

Unfortunately some realise this much to my dismay.

I have always believed women to be the fairer sex, I have worshiped them all my life. I find them both perplexing and intriguing. It is scary how I let the ones I care about bring my world to a standstill and I to my knees.

Most of the time my armour holds in front of them, however there are some who I take my armour off for and leave myself vulnerable, exposed. It scares me. And yet I welcome it.

Fools rush in where angels fear to tread. When it comes to women I am quite the headstrong fool.

Heaven help me.

moment

we are caught in the moment,
the eternity of it fleeting,
we are lost in our moment,
the eternity of it mesmerizing,

we are hidden in the moment,
the world passing us by,
we are sheltered in our moment,
the world to us cannot lie,

we are free in the moment,
only you and i
we are found in our moment,
it only needs you and i,

the way i see it - women

The way i see it, women are trouble.

My mother warned me about them, and so did the bible. In genesis Adam had just woken up groggy from the anesthetic God had used. It was the first time a man had woken up next to a naked woman who's name he didn't know, wondering what he had done the night before. To make matters worse he was missing a rib, we all know God pinched his rib and made a woman out of it, I'm fairly certain that was Adam's conclusion as well.

Lucky enough for Adam, God being the awesome wingman that he is, filled in all the pieces. Her name was Eve or at least that is what God said. Adam I'm fairly certain was more concerned about his missing rib. I would have been. Adam called her woman meaning "of man". Though I wonder if he also called her woman because of some sort of unknowing prophetic foresight. Because all girls have ever been is the woe of men. I think this is why he called her women, cause with his rib missing he knew it was all down hill from there.

Anyways all was good in eden till Eve started talking to snakes. And developed a liking for apples. Yeah the woman was tempted by that snake, she then tempted her man. Now look how much of trouble we're all in? So I conclude that women are indeed trouble. Thanks to them we need to wear clothes, shave, wear deodorant, eat MacDonalds, earn money, die which I'm particularly annoyed about.

hands

looking into my hands,
i trace the lines of my palm,
they are my apparent fate,
in such things i put no weight,

looking into my hands,
something is missing,
to correct it i reach out,
please don't be alarmed,

looking into my hands,
the only thing missing,
is worth reaching,
the only thing missing is your hand in mine

break my heart, it shouldn't be hard

you can break my heart,
take me apart & slowly discard,
this myriad of pieces,
that make up the man corrupt,

it shouldn't be hard,
you can shape into art,
as i self destruct,
build me new from the start,

a random thing to post

i'm shutting down, retreating
i've fallen to the floor,
can this heart keep beating?
with all there is in store,

from another hit reeling,
i can't take much more,
there can be no feeling,
i'm exhausted to the core,

and all these thoughts, confuse me,
and all these thoughts, they lose me.

It's Been Awhile - Staind

It's Been A While Lyrics