I love, I hate,
I laugh, I sigh,
I hurt, I smile, I frown,
Today I'm mostly down.
I live, I'll die,
I'll pass into the night,
This "I" so trite,
His soul broken & contrite.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
he loves her and she knows
he loves her and she knows,
his eyes cannot hide,
what he feels inside,
and so at him she smiles,
he lives for the smile on her face,
his heart skips a beat whenever they embrace,
against her face with his finger he traces,
the beauty of God's abundant grace,
she gives him strength,
for her he draws his every breath,
he is so glad they met,
he has no regrets,
she looks at him and he knows,
so he smiles back,
from her eyes he knows,
it steals his heart to see she loves him so,
and so to make her happy,
his heart's desire,
she he will treasure
to hurt her never,
he loves her and she knows
his eyes cannot hide,
what he feels inside,
and so at him she smiles,
he lives for the smile on her face,
his heart skips a beat whenever they embrace,
against her face with his finger he traces,
the beauty of God's abundant grace,
she gives him strength,
for her he draws his every breath,
he is so glad they met,
he has no regrets,
she looks at him and he knows,
so he smiles back,
from her eyes he knows,
it steals his heart to see she loves him so,
and so to make her happy,
his heart's desire,
she he will treasure
to hurt her never,
he loves her and she knows
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
friendship, love and such things
I think I have by far some of the best friends that a person could ask for.
While I was in school I never quite fit in with the other kids. I was different. I was odd. I was a loner. I stood out and I was never comfortable with being me. I had friends but most of those friendships didn't mean very much. I would laugh with them but I never belonged. I just couldn't attach myself to them and so when I left school, I left them in my past. Consequently when I go back to Ipoh the only people I mix with are my church mates. Even in church I've always been different. Contrary.
I went to college. I still didn't fit in. I still felt like I didn't belong. I made friends again but even here I only was able to connect with a couple of people. One of those people became my best friend. My first best friend. We still keep in touch. We can still connect even though life has taken us to different places.
I went to university. For the longest time no one knew I existed. A lecturer once commented that if my name had not popped up on an assignment I had handed in, he'd never have known I was in his class, I was invisible. In my second semester at uni I met my second best friend. Though at the time I didn't know it. I was just trying to get notes from the guy with a scholarship. He obliged. Fast forward to today and that guy is still handing me notes but now we're best friends. It wasn't till my fourth semester at uni that I actually felt like I was starting to fit in. This second best friend helped. The people I started to consider friends grew. However it wasn't till last semester, my sixth semester that I really felt like I belonged. I met a whole host of people. I made a lot of friends. Things got better. I met my band and their all my best mates, their respective girlfriends as well. I met some crazy Australians, one of which became another best friend. I also met her.
It was a crazy semester. I fell in love with a girl, a very awesome girl and I fell hard. Unfortunately life being what it is has put between us a barrier. It's not insurmountable but it's not one that we're going to be able to overcome on our own steam. Maybe God will intervene and until that happens, we've decided friendship is what we can offer each other. Personally speaking, I would rather lose the world than lose this girl, so I'm making every effort to be her best friend and she mine. Still it hurts, there is an inexplicable pain in my chest, it hurts to breath at times, especially after seeing her and tears still flow freely from my face at the thought of her. Yet I feel the pain and tears are worth being around her because I feel absolutely sublime in her presence, her absence is the cause of my pain and tears. I'm learning to deal with it and she tries to help. Which always makes me smile. She makes me smile. It's hard to be miserable around her.
Who knows what the future holds? I feel God has been blessing me day by day. Though as I write this I feel sad, I feel an inner contentment and peace that I've never had before, I feel joy. At the moment I'm just rolling with the punches. God has blessed me with friends. I'm thankful for that. God blessed me with her in my life and I'm thankful for that too. Tomorrow is a new day.
While I was in school I never quite fit in with the other kids. I was different. I was odd. I was a loner. I stood out and I was never comfortable with being me. I had friends but most of those friendships didn't mean very much. I would laugh with them but I never belonged. I just couldn't attach myself to them and so when I left school, I left them in my past. Consequently when I go back to Ipoh the only people I mix with are my church mates. Even in church I've always been different. Contrary.
I went to college. I still didn't fit in. I still felt like I didn't belong. I made friends again but even here I only was able to connect with a couple of people. One of those people became my best friend. My first best friend. We still keep in touch. We can still connect even though life has taken us to different places.
I went to university. For the longest time no one knew I existed. A lecturer once commented that if my name had not popped up on an assignment I had handed in, he'd never have known I was in his class, I was invisible. In my second semester at uni I met my second best friend. Though at the time I didn't know it. I was just trying to get notes from the guy with a scholarship. He obliged. Fast forward to today and that guy is still handing me notes but now we're best friends. It wasn't till my fourth semester at uni that I actually felt like I was starting to fit in. This second best friend helped. The people I started to consider friends grew. However it wasn't till last semester, my sixth semester that I really felt like I belonged. I met a whole host of people. I made a lot of friends. Things got better. I met my band and their all my best mates, their respective girlfriends as well. I met some crazy Australians, one of which became another best friend. I also met her.
It was a crazy semester. I fell in love with a girl, a very awesome girl and I fell hard. Unfortunately life being what it is has put between us a barrier. It's not insurmountable but it's not one that we're going to be able to overcome on our own steam. Maybe God will intervene and until that happens, we've decided friendship is what we can offer each other. Personally speaking, I would rather lose the world than lose this girl, so I'm making every effort to be her best friend and she mine. Still it hurts, there is an inexplicable pain in my chest, it hurts to breath at times, especially after seeing her and tears still flow freely from my face at the thought of her. Yet I feel the pain and tears are worth being around her because I feel absolutely sublime in her presence, her absence is the cause of my pain and tears. I'm learning to deal with it and she tries to help. Which always makes me smile. She makes me smile. It's hard to be miserable around her.
Who knows what the future holds? I feel God has been blessing me day by day. Though as I write this I feel sad, I feel an inner contentment and peace that I've never had before, I feel joy. At the moment I'm just rolling with the punches. God has blessed me with friends. I'm thankful for that. God blessed me with her in my life and I'm thankful for that too. Tomorrow is a new day.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Wrapped in Your Arms - Fireflight
Is this the whole picture
Or is it just the start?
Is this the way you love me?
You're capturing my heart
I used to try and walk alone
But I've begun to grow
And when you tell me just to rest
I'm finally letting go
I let go
And I'm here to stay
Nothing can separate us
And I know, I'm ok
You cradle me gently
Wrapped in your arms.... I'm home
I'm seeing so much clearer
Looking through your eyes
I could never find a safer place
Even if I tried
All the times I've needed you
You've never left my side
I'm clinging to your every word
Don't ever let me go
Don't let go
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
seeking answers only to hear silence
It has been sometime since I posted anything of consequence on my blog. The incoherent poetry that my mind has been churning out has all but cluttered my PC. It's all a mess.
It's always a mess when a girl is involved. Especially this girl.
When I'm with her my world seems right everything passes me by and nothing bothers me. When she's gone it's very much like the song "ain't no sunshine when she's gone, it's not warm when she's away, ain't no sunshine when she's gone, and she's always gone too long, anytime she goes away"
I've been fighting a losing battle or so it would seem. Fighting to be with a woman who is not fighting to be with me, in fact she's doing all she can to push me away for fear of falling to deep into me. However she and I both know that's too late. It is not arrogance that makes me say that, no, it's in her eyes. Her eyes can't lie to me. I see the confusion, I see the pain mingled with the joy of being together and yet not, I see how much being in love with me is tearing her apart. It's tearing me apart. Reminds me of this song by Tonic - If You Could Only See
The lyrics go
If you could only see the way she loves me, Then maybe you would understand, Why I feel this way about our love, And what I must do, If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says, When she says she loves me
Granted the woman I love doesn't have blue eyes, for which I'm thankful. No I love her very expressive brown eyes, the general sentiment of the song remains intact and applicable to how i feel.
Try as I might, to cut her from my heart I can't. I breakdown every time. It would seem that every movie I watch these days makes me think of her. Nearly every song I listen to reminds me of my love for her or how I feel for her or our situation. Trust me dear reader this particular condition is horrible. I watched P.S. I Love You and cried that's how emotional she's got me. I watched hancock and teared. I can't listen to most songs on my playlist without thinking of her.
There is no rest, no peace. There is only a feeling of love and pain intertwined within my heart. It hurts to breath. I've lost my appetite, some days it feels like all the colour and humour in me has washed out. A text message from her, the sound of her voice, the smile on her face is all that is needed to renew me. However in her effort to push me away even these simple pleasures she denies me. And so I continue to break. Slivers of my heart strewn across the floor as my heart shatters.
I'm looking for answers from above but God's been silent or so I think he's been. I'm praying that the calmer of the storm will calm the storm in me. The storm that is threatening to consume me and throw me overboard. The waves are too high and I can't find my way. I'm lost without Him and without her.
Know that all I've ever wanted is to make her happy, to bring her peace, to keep her safe, to love her completely. In her I've found the love of 1 Corinthians 13.
I'm praying God helps me find a way.
It's always a mess when a girl is involved. Especially this girl.
When I'm with her my world seems right everything passes me by and nothing bothers me. When she's gone it's very much like the song "ain't no sunshine when she's gone, it's not warm when she's away, ain't no sunshine when she's gone, and she's always gone too long, anytime she goes away"
I've been fighting a losing battle or so it would seem. Fighting to be with a woman who is not fighting to be with me, in fact she's doing all she can to push me away for fear of falling to deep into me. However she and I both know that's too late. It is not arrogance that makes me say that, no, it's in her eyes. Her eyes can't lie to me. I see the confusion, I see the pain mingled with the joy of being together and yet not, I see how much being in love with me is tearing her apart. It's tearing me apart. Reminds me of this song by Tonic - If You Could Only See
The lyrics go
If you could only see the way she loves me, Then maybe you would understand, Why I feel this way about our love, And what I must do, If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says, When she says she loves me
Granted the woman I love doesn't have blue eyes, for which I'm thankful. No I love her very expressive brown eyes, the general sentiment of the song remains intact and applicable to how i feel.
Try as I might, to cut her from my heart I can't. I breakdown every time. It would seem that every movie I watch these days makes me think of her. Nearly every song I listen to reminds me of my love for her or how I feel for her or our situation. Trust me dear reader this particular condition is horrible. I watched P.S. I Love You and cried that's how emotional she's got me. I watched hancock and teared. I can't listen to most songs on my playlist without thinking of her.
There is no rest, no peace. There is only a feeling of love and pain intertwined within my heart. It hurts to breath. I've lost my appetite, some days it feels like all the colour and humour in me has washed out. A text message from her, the sound of her voice, the smile on her face is all that is needed to renew me. However in her effort to push me away even these simple pleasures she denies me. And so I continue to break. Slivers of my heart strewn across the floor as my heart shatters.
I'm looking for answers from above but God's been silent or so I think he's been. I'm praying that the calmer of the storm will calm the storm in me. The storm that is threatening to consume me and throw me overboard. The waves are too high and I can't find my way. I'm lost without Him and without her.
Know that all I've ever wanted is to make her happy, to bring her peace, to keep her safe, to love her completely. In her I've found the love of 1 Corinthians 13.
I'm praying God helps me find a way.
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