me, myself and i

Me, Myself and I, are foes you see,
Chained together, never to be free,
With tooth and nail each day we fight,
Till the world in fullness sees our plight,

A torn mess we have become,
A fractured soul we have made,
Despairs our soul for it was wrought in battle,
Upon the battlefront within life's saddle,

And here we are to be heard,
To be seen by the world
Aware not awake; breathing yet dead,
A statue of living stone encompassed in this hollow head,

big chief no shit

There was once this Red Indian village in the middle of the Mojave Desert whose chief was constipated and all the village knew and were concerned for the beloved chief. Word of a talented medicine man from a neighbouring village came to the chief's ears and so, he called for the medicine man to be brought to the village.

When the medicine man arrived the chief said to him, "Big Chief, no shit!". The wise medicine man brought out a bottle containing an elixir, an elixir to end the chief's constipation, he told the chief to take a little and that he would come back in the morning and check on the chief.

The next morning he went into the tepee and discovered that the chief's situation hadn't changed. He instructed the chief to take a bit more of the elixir. He went outside and announced to the village, "Big Chief still no shit!"

This happened again the next day, he gave the chief more elixir and went outside and announced to the village that "Big Chief still no shit!". This went on for 4 days, however on the fifth day the medicine man ran out of the chief's tepee in a panic and yelled hysterically,



"Big shit, no chief!"

the story of the 99 mart girl

IF this was a movie, Jack black would be the star. All the words in italic are either thoughts or lyrics from songs.

Let me tell you the story of the 99 mart girl. I think her name is Lauren though until her name is confirmed I shall refer to her as 99 mart girl or 99 for short.

99 is the girl who works at the 99 mart down the street from my apartment. She's pretty in her orange uniform behind the counter she works at. Checking items out day by day, she never seems to complain, she's almost always got a big smile of on her face.

About a month ago a 99 mart opened up at Lagoon Perdana, where I stay. So naturally curious Yasir and I ventured out of our cave to survey the land and there she was, the most beautiful girl in world with her orange uniform and nose ring, there she was 99.

What can I tell you about her... erm she's got 2 eyes (they're big and brown), a nose (it's quite straight and sharp and it's pierced), 2 ears (they're pierced too), dark hair of medium length, a mouth (almost always smiling). She stands about 5 foot 6 or 7. She slender, petite even. Kinda like a punjabish version of that Nicole girl from the pussycat dolls minus all the skankiness and some of the height.

It's funny how a man only thinks about the

Sorry... what was I talking about? Oh yes 99, ah well yes, 99. So what do I do to generate contact between us, I go to the 99 mart about twice a week to buy a drink or some gum, so I can smile at her and so she can smile back at me. Such is our relationship, all smiles, winks, hi-s, thank yous and have a nice day. Not bad. Haha.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Mysterious girl, I wanna get close to you

I should probably chat her up one of these days but I'm really not sure what to talk about. Her orange uniform? Her job? Her nose piercing? The weather? Whether she believes that monkeys will one day take over the planet? Oh the myriad of topics are mind boggling. I suppose I should start with Hi, my name is Tristan or I could go with, Hey sexy lady, I like your flow... maybe not wouldn't be the way to go, she seems like a nice girl. So this is my distraction. I should be studying but... oh well. The question remains, to chat her up or not too? Tell me dance commander!

It would be awesome
if we could dance-a
It would be awesome, yeah
let's take the chance-a
It would be awesome, yeah
let's start the show
because you never know
you never know
you never know until you go

the PS3 conspiracy theory

You know what's getting me down, all this Sony will rise again stuff that we keep reading about on gaming sites, while the console's sales continue to improve it still lags behind the Wii and the Xbox360. Humbug I say and no it's not because I own a Xbox or a Xbox360. See if I hated Sony I wouldn't have purchased a PSP slim (though I did sell it after about 3months of owning it) nor would I have owned a SonyEricsson w800i and then subsequently changed it to a w580i (Now I own a Nokia 5800, gotta to love that touch screen goodness).

Lets face the facts, they tried to compete with themselves and ended up falling over, or did they do just that in a ludicrously, mind boggling, almost nonsensical and convoluted way to make room for a playstation3 with a 4 slapped on instead? Re-branded as next-next generation.

Yeap they weren't competing against Microsoft or Nintendo, they were competing against the playstation2 and I think it's evident that Sony put too much technology into a box too soon. Why would they do that? Why intentionally increase the price of your system when you can get away with so much less? After all price tag is important. So I think it was all cleverly engineered plot, indeed a plot I tell you. A fiendish plot (cue cheesy villainous theatrical music).

What is this fiendish plot? (Lightning sounds effects in the background for added emphasis)

Well I think it goes something like this...

Time frame: Around end of PS2 life cycle and PS3 pre-development time...

Enter fiendish type plot (Maestro cue the music!).

A seemingly deceptive and conveniently long time ago, in a suspiciously small room in the money grabbing brothel of Sony HQ, modern day Japan. Sat two Japanese nerds watching AV Idol porn and eating rooster testicles, amongst other things while cracking their heads as to how to best their PS2. The PS3 development team had come up against a brick wall, a thick brick wall, a very thick and suspicious brick wall, one which no idea could penetrate. They had tried everything! Played Halo, eaten McDonald's, ramen, rooster testicles, hot pockets, bananas, played golf on one of the rooftop ranges in Japan, prank called Bill Gates several times asking him if his fridge was running and that he had better go catch it. Alas nothing helped them, this is probably what they thought as I imagine it to be, with British/Japanese accents.

PS3 Guy A "Ok we're stuffed mates, our bloody PS2 is the bomb, wtf are we going to do, how can we out shine the PS2?"

PS3 Guy B "We should play more halo 2, maybe if I kill a few more noobs, my mind will clear and we'll be able to think clearer"

So after an excessive amount of time on Xbox live, the developers came back to the table but still nothing had changed, they were stumped, so decided to smoke up which gave them the munchies (oh the munchies! THE MUNCHIES!) and so our intrepid developers ate a bit more McDonalds and ramen.

PS3 Guy A "Wtf man I'm stuffed after 3 big macs" and suddenly a lightbulb went off in PS3 Guy A's head "That's it"

PS3 Guy B "What's it?"

PS3 Guy A "We'll stuff it!"

PS3 Guy B "Stuff it? Man I think you've tapped one to many times on the bong"

PS3 Guy A "I mean stuff it with all the tech we have, that way people will hate the PS3, and so when we develop the PS4 with the similiar tech people will love the PS4"

PS3 Guy B "Dude, serious no more big macs and weed for you."

PS3 Guy A "Seriously dude, if we f*ck up the PS3, then we can outshine ourselves when we make the PS4!"

PS3 Guy B "I'm starting to question your sanity and my very existence, have you seen the size of my hands? they're huge! Still, you are after all PS3 Guy A, so yeah I guess we can do that and besides this porn would look great on blue ray."

PS3 Guy A "This is going to be so f*cking rad!"

PS3 Guy B "Whatever you say, I'm going back to calling Bill, I'm going pose as Darth Vader this time."

And thus the PS3 was born, f*cked up on purpose.

And thus ends my ludicrous blogpost, hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have.