heartbreak and moving on

Heartbreak is not pleasant.

It's almost always messy and painful when people end relationships. Sometimes more so for one party then for the other. Usually the one who is being told that their relationship is over.

Sometimes you can see it coming, though I think the knowledge of your relationship's impending end is cold porridge for comfort. Perhaps to be ignorant of the fact, up until the point the message is delivered is a blessing. Either way the bitter taste left in your mouth as you part ways with the person you "loved" is never pleasant. Worse still is the heaviness that weighs down your heart, that sinking feeling that things will never be quite the same for you.

I am intimate with this feeling of loss and isolation. To put it romantically, all the colour and flavour that this world has to offer suddenly drains away into oblivion and you're left standing a mono-chromatic shell of your former self. While all around you people who still hold colour and flavour are living and breathing, you are motionless, idle in your thoughts. Progress seems unthinkable. Like an aeroplane engine you stall from the lack of air flowing into you, your world comes crashing down around you.

Your heart turns to obsidian, the weight of it seems immovable, you become obdurate. You come to an impasse with yourself. A fractured soul seemingly unable to move on. What hurts you the most is the realisation that the other person has done so.

Now if you were I, there would be many things at play in your head. Voices screaming at you to wish the other person nothing but the misery you feel. A deep desire for vengeance, bordering on a thirst for blood. I realise how maniacal that may sound, this is usually the best defence your tattered mind can formulate. Brutal, primal and self serving. At least it was the best defence my faulty wiring could garble together. I lashed out with the weapons I had available to me, my words. The sharp double edge sword that is my strength and shield. I wish I had not.

When the tempest had passed, regret set in. The realisation that I had just verbally assaulted someone I loved stung me at my core. And yet the damage had been done, there was no way to roll back time.

Still venting those emotions had done me good. My head cleared and the once obsidian heart started to beat again. Its blackened surfaces giving way to the fresh red beneath. I found momentum and I allowed it carry me on into a new cognitive process. I stopped hurting. And at an unexpected moment it dawned on me, I had moved on. I no longer feel the heaviness that once weighed me down. I can find no misery within me. I am at peace.

Truth be told, I've never felt better than I do right now. Life goes on after the storm passes. As is evident by my life going on. I have within me no bitterness, no discomfort, no pain, no pining for the girl. Just glowing optimism that everything is going to be fine.

In the words of Bob Marley, God rest his soul, he sang it so eloquently "In this bright future you can't forget your past, so dry your tears I say". He acknowledge that you never forget what happens to you but he also realised that future was bright and that the tears did you no good.

Like he says at the end of the song, "Everything's gonna be alright". And truly it always works out that way. No point fretting over the milk you spilled, get a mop, clean up and then go about your day.

So yeah, I believe "Everything's gonna be alright".

goodbye misery this is where you get off

Free fall to the end of the hall,
My mind made a up reason to stall,
But not anymore,
Goodbye misery this is where you get off,

Opened the door to another wall,
I tried giving Jack a call,
But not anymore,
Goodbye misery this is where you get off,

I'm over, over. over you,
You might think that's untrue,
Because I'm singing this song about you,
But honestly, I'm over you,

I'm over, over, over you,
Having a beer laughing about the news,
My mates are singing along,
And we're all over you,

For awhile there felt like a ragdoll,
I was being pulled back and forth,
But not anymore,
Goodbye misery this is where you get off,

I just broke through the wall,
Found my way through it all,
Forevermore,
Goodbye misery this is where you get off.